The Men We Love Need Room to Be Human

Dear Friends,

Last Sunday, we reflected on the quiet stories we tell ourselves. This week, we’re thinking about the stories the men we love may be carrying.

“I can’t fail.”
“I have to provide.”
“I shouldn’t need help.”
“I need to figure this out before anyone knows I’m struggling.”

These words can live beneath a familiar smile, a long workday, or an “I’m good” that ends the conversation before it really begins.

We often ask men to open up. But when they do, how do we receive what they share?

Do we listen? Or do we call them sensitive when something hurts their feelings? Do we tell them they’re being soft when they need reassurance? Do we rush to explain why they shouldn’t feel the way they feel?

We can ask for honesty and still respond in ways that make honesty harder the next time.

The men we love have emotions, too. They experience disappointment, loneliness, fear, grief, and uncertainty. They want to feel appreciated. They want to know that their presence matters, even on the days when they have little left to give.

A man can be dependable and need support. He can be committed to his family and feel overwhelmed by responsibility. He can have faith and still be afraid.

There needs to be room for all of that.

For us, this is especially personal around the holidays. Jermaine has lost much of his immediate family—his mother, his brother, and the grandparents he grew up with. The holidays can bring a deep longing for the people who helped make those days feel like home.

As his wife, I’m learning to give him the grace and understanding to miss them. A day filled with celebration can still hold sadness. He can love the family we’ve built and ache for the family members who are no longer here.

Loving him means making room for both. It means listening when he wants to remember them and allowing him to feel what he feels without expecting him to put on a happy face. His grief deserves tenderness, even in a season when everyone is celebrating.

In marriage, it’s easy for conversations to become about what needs fixing: the bills, the schedule, the children, the next decision. We can spend so much time discussing what our partner needs to do that we forget to ask how our partner is doing.

And sometimes, we ask while already preparing our response.

We’re reminding ourselves to slow down. To let a question become an invitation, with enough quiet afterward for an honest answer.

“What has been weighing on you lately?”

“Would you like me to listen, or help you think it through?”

“Is there something you’ve been carrying that you haven’t known how to say?”

The answer may come slowly. Someone who has learned to keep his feelings private may need time to trust that those feelings will be received with care.

That care matters after the conversation, too. Something shared in vulnerability deserves to be protected, including when we’re frustrated or disagree.

For the men reading this: you deserve room to say, “That hurt.” To admit, “I don’t know what to do.” To ask for comfort before you have a solution.

Your worth reaches beyond what you earn, solve, or hold together.

Our faith reminds us that we were created for relationship. We all need people who can sit beside us in uncertainty and remind us that we are loved there, too.

This week, let’s make room for a conversation that doesn’t require the men we love to arrive with everything figured out.

Let’s give them time to speak—and believe them when they tell us how they feel.

Sunday Reflection

Think about the last time a man you love shared something difficult with you. How did you respond? Did he have room to finish, to feel, and to be understood?

This week, ask him: “How are you doing, really?” Give him time to answer in his own way. Listen without labeling his feelings, comparing them to yours, or immediately offering a solution.

And if you’re a man reading this, consider: What have I been carrying quietly, and who could I trust with an honest conversation?

We all deserve a place where we can be loved while we’re still figuring things out.

Until Next Sunday

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The Men We Love Need Room to Be Human

The Men We Love Need Room to Be Human

Sunday Reflection

Until Next Sunday

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