Choosing Curiosity Over Assumption: A Marriage Lesson After 25 Yrs

After 25 years of marriage, you would think Jermaine and I would know exactly what the other person is thinking by now.

We don't. But sometimes we act like we do.

"He ignored me."

"She doesn't care."

"He should know why I'm upset."

"She always does this."

And before we've actually had a conversation, we've created an entire story in our heads about what the other person meant, why they did it, and sometimes even what they'll do next.

One of the biggest lessons we've learned about communication in marriage is how quickly assumptions can create problems that weren't there to begin with.

We've learned that assumptions can be dangerous in a marriage because they leave very little room for the other person's truth.

Recently, Jermaine shared something with me that made me think about this differently. He talked about learning not to let past experiences dictate the future of our marriage and instead trying to see each other through a lens of grace, compassion, curiosity and love.

That word curiosity stayed with me. Because curiosity sounds different.

Instead of: "I know exactly why you did that."

Curiosity says: "Help me understand."

Instead of: "You don't care how I feel."

Curiosity asks: "What were you feeling in that moment?"

Instead of immediately becoming defensive: "What did you mean when you said that?"

It sounds simple. In practice? Not always.

Especially when you've been married for decades and have years of experiences influencing how you hear each other.

But we're learning that knowing someone's history doesn't mean you always know their heart.

Sometimes we have to give each other the opportunity to explain.

And sometimes we have to be willing to hear an answer that's different from the story we've already created.

25 Years in 25 Lessons

Lesson #2: Assume the best before assuming the worst.

Not because your spouse will always get it right. Neither will you.

But because the person you love deserves the opportunity to be understood before being judged.

And maybe that's not just a marriage lesson.

It's a relationship lesson.

With our children.

Our friends.

Our families.

Even our coworkers.

A little more curiosity might save us from a lot of unnecessary hurt.

Sunday Reflection

Is there a story you've created about someone's intentions without ever asking them if it's true?

Maybe this week, replace one assumption with a question.

"Help me understand."

Those three words might change the entire conversation.

Until next Sunday,

Catron & Jermaine Turner
JPix Studio

Twenty-five years. Countless lessons. Still learning.

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Choosing Curiosity Over Assumption

25 Years in 25 Lessons

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