The Person I’m Becoming Still Needs Love

Dear Friends,

There is something about midlife that makes you look around at the life you’ve built and then look inward and ask, “And how am I doing in all of this?”

You can be grateful for your marriage, love your children, care deeply about your work—and still realize that your needs have changed.

Somewhere along the way, you started wanting different things. More peace. More time to enjoy your husband. Work that matters without taking every available piece of you.

Apparently, becoming older and wiser also means becoming considerably less interested in an overbooked calendar.

I’ve been thinking about this in my own life.

With four children, a marriage, and a business, there is always something that needs my attention. Now, with two children in college and two still at home, motherhood asks different things of me. They’re growing into new versions of themselves, and I’m realizing that I am, too.

Earlier this fall, I shared that I don’t want to do it all anymore. That realization has stayed with me. I still have ideas, dreams, and things I want to create. But I also want to care for my body, enjoy my family, and have enough of myself left to experience the life I’m working so hard to build.

I’m learning to take those desires seriously.

Midlife can bring changes we can see in the mirror and changes that are harder to explain. Our bodies become less familiar. Our energy and priorities may shift. A role that once gave us a clear sense of purpose can begin to feel different.

And sometimes, while we’re trying to understand ourselves, we’re also wondering whether the people closest to us will understand.

Will you still find me beautiful as my body changes?

Will you make room for what matters to me now?

Can I need something different without disappointing you?

After 25 years of marriage, I believe part of loving one another is staying curious. We have years of history together, but there are still questions worth asking. What brings you joy now? What feels heavy? What do you miss? What would you like more of in our life together?

Being known for a long time is a gift. Being asked who you are today is a gift, too.

That matters for men as well.

A man may be adjusting to children who need him differently, changes in his work, or a body that asks more care of him. He may be carrying grief or wondering what gives him purpose in this chapter. He may not have easy words for any of it.

Both people in a relationship can be changing at once. We need room to speak honestly—and patience when understanding each other takes a little longer.

I want to offer Jermaine that kind of love. I need it, too.

And I’m realizing that some of that tenderness has to begin with how I receive myself. I can appreciate the woman I was without making her the standard I must keep returning to. She lived a different chapter. She also had fewer school emails to read.

The woman I am today deserves care while she figures things out.

My faith reminds me that God knows me through every change. I don’t have to have a complete explanation for this chapter to trust that there is purpose in it.

Sunday Reflection

What has changed about what you need, enjoy, or hope for?

Consider sharing one of those changes with someone you love: “Something I’m learning about myself lately is…”

Then invite them to share, too. Let it be a chance to get to know each other again.

Until Next Sunday

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The Person I’m Becoming Still Needs Love

Sunday Reflection

Until Next Sunday

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